Dreamer.pi

F e b

2012-02-01T14:32:00.001+08:00

I don't know why should i feel this again, but this time it feels a lil bit different. I don't know what made me keep replying back, keep missing someone i thought was just a friend.
And i don't understand about that goosebumps i feel everytime my phone rings and his name appears, everytime he says that he miss me, everytime we're going meet, everytime I'm staring at him.
When i finally know how it feels like when time passes so fast while you're with your love one. And how it feels like to realise that half year will be a very longggg time to be waited just to see the sweetest curve on his face again.
Sometimes i feel so wrong to ever have this kind of feeling, but after all, what keeps me going anw?
It's just something about him that actually means everything about him, that i've always felt from him from the very start, and i don't know why he always appears in my mind, and i just want to tell you that it actually makes non-sense in everything between us.

Yet honestly, i still want to try and figure out, is it gonna work out with him?

It's just another part of life that i'm not dare to imagine how it'll turn to, if someday it won't be the same like today, anymore. But today, i wish i can always feel this way....

Pray for us,kay? ♥

F e b

2012-02-01T14:14:00.001+08:00

T i m e

2012-01-09T17:05:00.001+08:00

You've no idea how fast time passed by. When you meet someone but they can't be by your side, not like how you used to wish it to be. When you dreamt about having a fairytale story but ended up facing a reality. When you see his face but knowing that the clock keep ticking, keep reminding you that the time is almost done. When you realise that MAYBE you've met the right one, at the wrong time. And you wish that Mr. Time would freeze for awhile, so the time could be right for once, or one more time.

But through all of the above things that i mentioned before, i don't know why i keep going, somehow. Hoping that tomorrow will always stay like how i wish it to be.

Sometimes you promise someone forever, but it doesn't work out that way.

2012-01-08T16:14:00.000+08:00

I'm facing a big deal of dilemma currently.

It feels like i will take back all of my words. I know that i really hate to face the broken-heart condition, nobody enjoys it anyway. I always want that one boy who will come and give me a reason to stay...in love, yet i always doubt to just give myself a little space of happiness and admit that maybe the one i've been waiting for has finally came. I don't wanna give up, it's not my style anyway..hahahah....but all of the bad thoughts has bothered me even when i haven't tried. I can't promise someone forever, i have no courage to do that though, and i can't even promise someone a year, or even half year? Not like i don't want to, but you know, feeling change within time, i don't want to promise something i can't even guarantee.
So, if i say that i'll try, but then it doesn't work out that way...please note that i just don't wanna hurt someone..
Future is just another pages of life that we can't ever predict.
even tomorrow, a month, three months, six months, a year, another years...

Who am i to say that things will always work out like how we want it to be?

12th December.

2011-12-18T20:30:00.000+08:00

Please tell me...
that i am not in love, i can't be in love, i shouldn't be in love with you..

Decembers

2011-12-07T20:35:00.001+08:00

I had a dream yesterday, i know that it's quite a confusing dream. Even how confusing it is, i still recognized one of the people in there, okay, i'll admit that he is the only one that i know in my dream, anyway.
I know that actually i shouldn't dream about him again, i can't tell you why, but things will get better that way.
Hahaha
It's not like i hate him that much, but, yeah, sometimes it's better to be like this.
I won't avoid someone that ever made my life, my whole world, changed somehow. #eh
That little things about him, had changed my perception about life, yet, i don't understand why, it's just state that we're not supposed to be together from the very start.
Errr
Then, i've to make it clear then, i just don't love him......no more? Haha *doubting mind*

Random, love.

2011-11-07T14:58:00.001+08:00

Just like what usually girls wish, we wish to be loved by the person we love, or sometimes we want to be loved but don't dare to love.

Nobody wants to not be loved, cause everyone needs love.

But what matter the most is, for SOME people, once you fall, you fall hard.

Even when there are some who can stay not in love when they say they do, and even when some believe that fake sweet love words....

Honestly, what i scare the most is, just like what i mentioned before, once i fall, i fall hard.

It's not like i always fall and it's always be that hard to handle, just like, yeah you know the feeling when you can't fall for everyone you meet, and sometimes when you feel attracted to someone, you keep asking yourself..why him? Why not someone else?
But still, you don't know how to answer it clearly.

So, if you're in love right now, or wish to be in love someday, or maybe don't wanna be in love anymore..............
Just keep fighting for what you deserve, cause admit it, you can't live with no one who stay to love you.
Even when the one you love doesn't want you back, there are still some people in your life who you should thank for always trust you, always want to live with you. They are someone who will share their food when you're hungry, give you their seat when you're tired standing alone, and so on.

So why keep thinking about the one who bring you down, when you realize that your life is much easier when every little things that people do, can still affect your life? :)
Share universal love :D

Oh my, this post is so random anyway.
Still, thanks for those who want to read it.
Hahahah

college 2

2011-11-01T10:02:00.001+08:00

You know, for me, life is gettin' harder when all you wanna do, can't be done.
It's not like you don't want to, but, you just can't.
It's not like you don't try, but, you just wait for a right time. Even when you know, there will be no next time!

There's not much things that i could tell about my college life anyway. You know, seems like everything is just flat. Why? Because it is looo!
Hahahaha
I'm getting' used to my subjects, but sometimes i think that i wanna give up on Microeconomics, oh yeah, i really hate it from the very start!!!

You know, life seems so boring to me. I've no idea how to make it fun, anyway.
It just feels like i can't get a life with just focusing on my college subject. I've known it before that strict things really can drive me crazy with boredom effects.
So, i've plans to join guitar and vocal's class, hhha. But of course, i know that my family members won't allow me too, but what can i do, i can't life with these strict things for the rest of my life anyway. *lebay*
Huahaha

Wokeee, enough for today.
Goodluck!

The Only Exception.

2011-09-18T20:05:00.001+08:00

I can see them all the same, but you, i don't know why i've been hanging with the same thoughts since the very start. Even if i felt the broken-hearted feelings, and even though we're not meant to be, you're not someone i can possibly hate.

lol

2011-09-17T10:59:00.001+08:00

You know what? A boy had successfully made me hate all of em'. I mean in romance things.

College

2011-09-15T09:34:00.001+08:00

Hey Hoooo
I'm a college student now!
HA-HA, why so happy #eh?
I'm still not really sure about this, but so far so good lar..
Luckily all of my lecturers is male, i don't understand too why the other classes got female lecturers but i don't?

So far, the only lesson that i enjoy the most is Computer Application, okay, do you think i choose a wrong major? HA-HA
The lesson that i hate the most is.....sure...MICRO ECONOMICS! I don't get what is written in the booklet, yet i don't know what the lecturer tell us about...yeahh i wish i won't re-take class for this subject.
The other subjects are english, business, and accounting. Oh goshh, the english is so difficult, especially the vocab, i wish i can pass this subject too. And the most important one, accounting...haha..i still haven't learnt about it, let's see if i can make it or not lar~

And about the class, they're quiet friendly i think. Maybe time will make us closer? #eh?

My life? There are some times when you feel like the whole word is pushing you down, yet what you must do, is fighting for yourself.
♥

Not anymore.

2011-09-03T02:58:00.001+08:00

I don't even know what's in his mind right now, who i used to be in his heart, and i don't even know what's in my mind right now, what i feel for anyone else. i can't lie..that i still care. Maybe it's getting more less than before, i just can't understand this, I'm not in love anymore, or i'm just pretending to not love, whatever. .

Blah Blah

2011-08-31T21:22:00.001+08:00

Little conversation in mind.
A : why do we need to feel something if we can't own it then?
B : i don't know too, eh..do you really sure bout it? :O
A : yes, cause even when you think that it's already gone, but then you look back at him, you'll realise there's still something undone in your heart.
B : okay, but i think it's fine. You're not in love, you're just keeping him as someone who ever made your life, who used to warm your heart.
A : so, I'm not pretending to act like not loving him?
B : i wish.

I wish time will heal everything. Let the past gone and move on.

The Moments.

2011-08-27T09:16:00.002+08:00

The moment when you don't wanna stay there, the moment when all you wanna do is runaway, the moment when you just wanna forget what you're thinking right now, the moment you wish that one will care about you, the moment you feel like there are still tons of things you wanna share....and the moment you don't understand what you feel right now, it feels like you're waiting for this moment for years. Therefore you just want to deny, cause it feels so strange. The moment you've to decide, is it yes or no? And then you choose to not taking any risks, and continue your life, forget if you ever feel some strange feelings towards someone at some short times, in some stupid ways.

Another sentimental post.

2011-08-25T09:13:00.001+08:00

The only reason i stay here, the only reason i decided to stay, the only reason i'm not really sure if it's worth fighting for.

My life have been facing really hard times, since the day i decided to leave it all behind.
I wonder why mom always scold me for what i am, i don't wanna be so cruel, but can't i just live my life peacefully?
I begin to think that, is dreaming a sin?
Maybe if i tend to be a dreamless person, then i wouldn't have to hurt too much.

But what's life if it's just flat?
My mood is still jumping right now, yet i just wanna say... don't-give-up.

August

2011-08-09T10:41:00.003+08:00

Hey there :))
Today isn't a good day for me, oh well..actually this week isn't an easy week for me, since i've been doing a not-so-active work.
But now i have to find,do, and collect things before Friday, which is the last day of deadline. Plus, a flu that cover my nose cause of last day's rain, i always feel like sleeping, but of course i can't do that one of my hobby here.

Someone asked me once, "why do you have to work for somebody else when you're able to work for your parents?". I was stuck for a while, it felt like i wanna asked him back "Oh yeahh...why?".
I don't really understand too... But if i've a chance to live in Jakarta, i surely will work for them. But the truth is...i am here..facing the same people...i'm living in my hometown, i just wanna feel the experience before err..i believe someday i'll be like them who are allowed to lead a business, and when my time comes..I'M READY! Who says it won't come true? If only you know..... :)))

I've been forced to understand what i don't really understand in life.
Why do i've to stop hoping that it'll belong to me? Why they do this to us? Why can't i have this? Why can't i do this? Why they don't give it to me? Why i have a life like this?

Even if i am, i won't force a smile. I'm not living on somebody's shadow. I'm strong enough to smile when i'm happy, angry when i'm mad, and cry when i'm sad. But, really, i'm not that girl who can easily show what i feel to you....hha

My life isn't a mess, it's just something i should fight for, even if it can't turn good someday, i'll just....enjoy it. Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡.̮Ơ̴̴͡

Then you know, i'm tired of being stabbed. My
#AugustWish is so not simple, i really hope i can own something that my mom and grandma already talked about for a long time, yet i've no idea if they will make it real or not.
Well, people's mind always change~
Then i'll just (‾ʃƪ‾) for the best :)))

Bye,.

Dreaming

2011-08-01T22:06:00.001+08:00

I like the story, it teaches us how to live with dreams, make dreams come true. Some live with dreams, some want to make it come true, some lives without dreams.
I personally the one who lives with dreams-dreams not coming true. I'm on my way to reach it, but i'm so afraid. I'm afraid of failures, i'm afraid if i'm not good enough, i'm afraid if anybody do better, i'm afraid if finally i'm just an invisible.

So, do you think that i'm totally a "LOSER" ?
I'm not sure too. This movie finally makes me feel speechless, anyway.
Finally i can get back to myself. I'm not gonna make all of unfortunate things in my past or my life, force me to stop facing future.
I want to try, even if i fail, at least i try.

♥

Dream High

2011-08-01T18:54:00.002+08:00

Title: 드림하이 / Dream High
Genre: School, drama, comedy, romance
Episodes: 16 + 1 Special

Synopsis
Dream High tells the story of six students at Kirin Art High School who work to achieve their dreams of becoming music stars in the Korean music industry. Go Hye Mi is a student who had majored in classical music but has to give up her dream by entering Kirin Art High School to pay off her father’s debt. However, she needs to get two other students to also come to the school in order for her to enroll in the school conditionally. These two students are Song Sam Dong, who lives in the countryside, and Jin Guk, whom she accidentally meets while trying to escape from a loan shark. Yoon Baek Hee, formerly Hyemi’s sidekick, becomes her rival in school because Hye Mi betrays her during an audition to enter the school.
Cast
Suzy as Go Hye Mi
Kim Soo Hyun as Song Sam Dong
Taecyeon as Jin Gook / Hyun Shi Hyuk
Ham Eun Jung as Yoon Baek Hee
Jang Woo Young as Jason
IU as Kim Pil Sook

hay bloggers, long time no post.
i watched this drama in 18 hours time, i love it so much.
not because of the actors' appearance only, but the story is quite good.

anyway, i adore one of the actor also.....he is..

song sam dong <3

it's all about MUSIC !
ENJOY...

BOLD

2011-07-20T10:36:00.002+08:00

BOLD what applies to you:

01. You’re currently confused about someone’s feelings for you.
02. You have been in a serious relationship before.
03. You own an iPod of some sort.
04. You do not like your sibling’s girlfriend/boyfriend.
05. You drink too much alcohol.
06. You have been to the Olive Garden.
07. You have taken medicine of some sort this week.
08. It is really cold in your house right now.
09. You are extremely dependent on others.
10. You do not like to express your feelings in front of others.
11. You ate a lot of food today.
12. It doesn’t take much for you to cry.
13. People consider you as a happy sort of person.
14. Someone in your family is rich.
15. You have been to Disney World or Disneyland before.
16. You hate when people constantly talk about themselves.
17. You are a good listener, but you hate complainers.
18. Someone has called you for a serious medical emergency before.
19. You have had a serious surgery.
20. Your house has a spare bedroom.
21. Your house is old.
22. You have at least one cousin under the age of three.
23. You have never held a baby before.
24. You can’t handle toddlers.
25. You have a painting in your room.
26. You have been to Canada.
27. You have been to Mexico.
28. You love cherry flavored lollipops.
29. You celebrate Easter.
30. You observe Lent
31. You are Catholic.
32. You do not believe in God.
33. Religion is not important to you.
34. You want to have a small family one day.
35. You would rather have more sons than daughters.
36. You have more aunts than uncles.
37. You hate being too cold.
38. You currently are way tanner than everyone else.
39. You wear shoes in your house.
40. Your parents are clean freaks.
41. You are more messy than clean.
42. You are currently angry at someone.
43. Patience is so not a virtue to you.
44. Your desk is extremely clean.
45. Your bed sheets are either blue, green, black, or white.
46. When you hear “black & white” it reminds you of Katy Perry’s ‘Hot n Cold’ song.
47. You have no clue what that song is.
48. You think rap artists are completely pathetic.
49. You are glad George Bush is out of office.
50. Politics are boring to you.
51. You take a vitamin daily.
52. You feel like you are sick often.
53. You hate throwing up.
54. You think it’s gross when people set food down on their desk at school with no napkin.
55. You also find it gross that people sit on top of desks.
56. You are now cringing at the thought of someone’s food where someone’s ass was.
57. You love getting bubble baths.
58. You do not like chocolate at all.
59. You are allergic to nuts.
60. You have been stung by a bee before.
61. You have been to the emergency room before for something
62. One of your parents is 50 or older.
63. You are the baby of your immediate family.
64. You hate broccoli.
65. Cooked carrots are good, though.
66. You go on tumblr too much.
67. You are really comfortable right now.
68. You like witty t-shirts.
69. You are a major fan of underground bands.
70. You have been on an airplane before.
71. You are not afraid of heights.
72. You consider yourself paranoid.
73. You have had a panic attack before.
74. The thought of being old and alone bothers you.
75. You would choose the elderly over children.
76. You feel like you’re living in the wrong decade.
77. You like the color green.
78. You think it’s way too cold outside right now.
79. You love the thought of sleeping in tomorrow morning.
80. You would rather go to bed early and get up early.
81. You feel like the early bird catches the worm.
82. You are a big breakfast eater.
83. You are currently suffering from the common cold.
84. You are craving something salty.
85. You have been in a car today.
86. There is something plugged in near you.
87. You have heard of the TV show “Private Practice.”
88. You do not like medical television shows.
89. You prefer horror to comedies.
90. You adore Leo & Kate.
91. You think high-waisted pants look good.
92. You hate cheesy movies.
93. You enjoy camping out.
94. Bugs bother you.
95. You do well in school without trying.
96. You are extremely jealous of someone currently.
97. You feel like you have changed a lot from 08-09.
98. You like energy drinks.
99. You like italics.
100. You know the entire script of Mean Girls.

30 things, just some truths

2011-06-27T03:43:00.001+08:00

Hellloooooo

I've no idea what to write so i'll just tell 30thingsaboutmyself !
:D yet i don't who will read it, so i'll just follow my heart!

1. I am the eldest in my family, which means i've to take care of them!
2. I am the only daughter of my parents, yet it doesn't mean i've to please for parents' attention.
3. I love my name cause luckily, not so many people have the same name as mine.
4. My English is bad, but i'll practice hard :)
5. I ♥ number five, it's my favourite number.
6. I don't think that i am clever, but not so stupid too. So, let's say i'm just average.
7. Honestly, i don't enjoy anime, manga, comics. I like to read novels, inspiring quotes.
8. I don't like animals.
9. I'm not so into japanese foods, yet i enjoy indonesian and a lil bit chinese foods.
10. I like to sing, but some people say my voice is just average,some like to hear it,and some say not so good.

11. I hate PLAYBOYs.
12. I hate and avoid boys who can't respect girls.
13. I hate boys who touch and hurt girls.
14. I don't understand how bestfriends can transform to be lovers.
15. I don't like those pathetic boys that try to flirt w/ every girls they see.
16. I don't have many boy bestfriends.
17. I find it hard for me to trust boys.

18. I like mathematics. But don't ask 4 my score.
19. I ♥ blue, soft pink, grey.
20. Prefer mountains rather than beaches.
21. Love Kdrama and Kpop. But not so addicted :p
22. Avril Lavigne's voice is the most amazing voice on earth ♥
23. Like to watch movies like Narnia, Transformers, Twilight,Percy Jackson and so on. Don't really enjoy Hollywood action's and romantic's movies.
24. Enjoy Pop and RnB. Not so into Rock.

25. Wanna take art school but then realize i'm more into maths.
26. I've never been outside from Indonesia. :((
27. Have dreams to buy a house before married, own a cafe, and be a singer(?)
28. I'm so moody,bad-temper,stubborn.

29. A friend told that i'm tough, i wanna be tougher.
30. I'll fight for everyone i love around me.

Thank you 4 reading :D

Know myself better.

2011-06-11T21:39:00.001+08:00

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Day After Day

2011-05-27T02:47:00.001+08:00

This song is dedicated to everyone who has a broken-heart that can't be healed with just a "Sorry" and "Goodbye".

Although i remember in the past years someone had dedicated the lyrics to me, but too bad, i dedicated this song's lyrics to someone else. Sorry for you, but i know you've already moved on but i am still stay......broken.

Haru Haru / Day After Day - BigBang

English Translation

Leave
Yeah, Finally I realize that I am nothing without you
I was so wrong, forgive me
Ah ah ah ah~

My broken heart like a wave
My shaken heart like a wind
My heart vanished like smoke
It can't be removed like a tattoo
I sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
Only dusts are piled up in my mind
(say goodbye)

Yeah, I thought I wouldn't be able to live even one day without you
But somehow I managed to live on (longer) than I thought
You don't answer anything as I cry out "I miss you"
I hope for a vain expectation but now it's useless

What is it about that person next to you, did he make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can't get close nor try to talk to you
I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times
[Chorus]
Don't look back and leave
Don't find me again and live (on)
Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
I can bear it in some way
I can stand in some way
You should be happy if you are like this
I become dull day by day (eh eh eh eh)
Oh girl I cry, cry
You're my all, say goodbye...

If we pass by each other on the street
Act like you didn't see me and go the way you were walking to
If you keep thinking about our past memories
I might go look for you secretly

Always be happy with him, (so) I won't ever get a different mind
Even smallest regret won't be left out ever
Please live well as if I should feel jealous
You should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud
Yes, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened

[Chorus]

I hope your heart fees relieved
Please forget about me and live (on)
Those tears will dry completely
As time passes by
It would've hurt less if we didn't meet at all (mm)
Hope you will bury our promise of being together forever baby
I pray for you

[Chorus]

Oh girl I cry, cry
You're my all, say goodbye, bye
Oh my love don't lie, lie
You're my heart, say goodbye

MAY ?

2011-05-27T02:19:00.001+08:00

May? I?

May is about to end. You know, i've decided something that i don't understand why i could do, i've decided to forget one of my dream...yes,totally forget.

I am not allowed to go to Jakarta, and not allowed to study at Untar or Binus university. I'll just stay here, continuing another life's drama and i've registered myself at IT&B campus, accounting major, i really wish i won't feel regret later.

Okay, i find it hard to believe at all, but someone ever said to me, "Maybe God had planned something for you here". I couldn't agree more! So i'll try to stay, perhaps, God really creates a great deal for my life.

I don't know why and how. I believe i can and i will.
So, Jakarta, please wait for me another years later, surely i will chase over you!

♥

April w/ ♥

2011-04-26T18:27:00.001+08:00

Hey april,

We're leaving high school soon, about 3weeks later we'll receive our graduation letter.
I heart SHS so much. I miss them all.
I miss my bestfriends, friends, classmates, ex-classmates, ex-bestfriends, some cute boys :p, and many more.
Last night we're having our last prom nite and i wasn't regret for coming. :D
Although the party wasn't interesting at all, but i enjoyed the very last chapter before i went home :)
The MC told us to pray for everyone who you've ever hurt, i was praying for someone-who-used-to-be my friend and him, and my classmates too. Then he asked us to give that flower to someone who you wanna apologize to.
At first, i really wanna give it to my ex-friend who sat 3 meters in front of me, but i saw he stand up and gave it to his teacher, then i gave up and left the flower on the table. But, suddenly someone else was standing behind me and a flower was given to me.
Okay, it's better than carried nothing home.
Hahahahha

The beginning of 2

2011-02-02T12:41:00.001+08:00

Happy sa cap meh everyone :)
Long time no post yaa

I've no passion in writing
So many things crossed my mind
Anyway, we're not going to have monthly exam on February but the other truth shocked me too
We're going to have semester on 7th March which on 13th i'll join Untar placement test.
Ohh my, what should i do then??

I think i'll study hard, since i really don't have any passion in studying this science stuff anymore.
I'm going to take design major anyway, and i've to improve my creativity skill, and drawing skill also
So i've decided to join drawing class which is focusing in drawing perspective things.
I also join drawing extra-co and will learn lots of things!

Then,happy sa cap meh all.
May us all have a good time :D

nan dangsin-i geuliwoyo

2010-12-31T05:00:00.001+08:00

nan dangsin-i geuliwoyo. naneun 2 nyeon jeon-e 12 dol-agaseo

Hey, I can't sleep anywayyy
What do I do?

December is almost end, but I love December so much
It reminds me of all the sweet things, especially Christmas day.
I ♥ November and October too..
Or maybe I love all sweet months?
Yess maybe I wish I could "feel again" , but then I realise that it is "just a dream"
Hha I fool myself again..

Sometimes I ask why I have to meet someone if there's no way to let we stick together.
I really miss him. I always do.
I don't really understand why, I just do.

Now the distance is just too close but so far from my hopes
We stand so close, too close till I can't breath but I can do nothing.
I do afraid of pain, but why does it always haunt me?

Hey 2O11 is coming soon, let's pray and wish for a better life.
My #2O11wish is still the same, I want to enter an university,in that town.
May you allow my only wish come true,please? :)

Iwillalwaysprayforyou, keepsmilingtheniknow thatmysacrificeisworthit.
Thankyou :D

how's life ?

2010-12-23T19:23:00.001+08:00

Good afternoon, bloggers :)
How's life?

I feel a lil bit confused, but I'm sure it won't be a bad problem.
Do you ever listen to a song with "Welcome to my life" tittle?
If you do, you will understand what I mean then.

Sometimes life will bring you a hundred reasons to cry, but show them that you have a thousand reason to smile.
:)))
But how to prove it?
Since I'm good at pretending feelings, then i should be the toughest one, rite?
LOL

Hiding from the truth is bad, but it's worse to stay with the broken truth.
Maybe I'm wishing such a mindless dreams, since no one is perfect,
And nothing is worth fighting for.
Because pain can't be healed even when word "sorry" is exist.

I just can't imagined to live without someone else.
But, my heart has stopped beating, and stucking on the wrong place called HIS.
So, how could i make something broken to be a good one again?
When the heart is just too tired to beat, and mind is too exhausted to hope,
And I am too hurt to let in another bullshit.

Okay, I believe that time will heal anything,
But can I wish for something better?

I want a good man with a stupid heart to love a careful girl
With all of his heart and mind. Telling love words only to the one who exist in his heart.

Is it too mindless wish ?

Interior,love.

2010-12-04T15:47:00.000+08:00

i wish to have one like this :P

DECEMBER WITH LOVE

2010-12-01T19:41:00.001+08:00

Welcome December, be good to everyone who loves you ♥

I feel quiet confused recently, since i want to have many things that can be called as my own.
I just finished read "Forever Yours" by Karla M. Nashar , one of my favorite novel writer.
But i think i prefer Agnes Jessica now because her writing could give a spirit to face life, i read Jingga yesterday.

Do you believe in true ♥?
I don't really understand yet.

Is it when you want somebody so much but you still hope they'll come back when they're totally left?

Is it when they say they love you but can't stay with you because of the differences between you and him?

Is it when you say you love him and he says he love you then you text with him everyday but feel weird when you meet him at school?

Or when sometimes you meet him and you talk for awhile and he always help you when you need help, joking about fake love words?

Or maybe, when he treat you like a bestfriend but you feel comfort and happy when you're with him? Never really feel irritating when he tell you boring stories?

Tell me which is right?
I thought i know much about love, but now i have to admit that i haven't known.

random november

2010-11-09T07:18:00.001+08:00

if you hate for being a good person , then you're not losing yourself. You just hanging on the wrong place,with the wrong people. Well,for i haven't got a clue,i'm still hanging in a place that's not belongs to me,but if you don't mind,please find yours! And do tell me how it feels ! :D

hey, oct !

2010-10-02T22:35:00.001+08:00

2nd october,
i wish i could turn back time.

I want to have you beside me, but i'm just a fool to wish an impossible dream.
I don't know what will happen another 2days later.
Sometimes i wish you would come and say a little greeting to me,but then my ego would tell me to stop begging for a wish to come true.
I don't know what i want.
Maybe half of my heart want to stay,but i can't standing to love the one who has left me.

I wish i know what i really want in my life.
I wish i could love the one who really love me.

No,..
My only wish is, i want somebody to love,that his heart will always be mine. Just for me.

27th

2010-09-27T21:44:00.001+08:00

i know how hard i try, i can't erase my mind.
You're there, beating my heart,but don't love me.

Omg, what a day.
Now,listening to my cute brother planning to make a lil suprise 4 me next week.
Haha, what a cute bro!

life is tough, but enjoy it

2010-09-22T22:14:00.001+08:00

When i was a kid,i thought that life would be easy. School,graduate,and then marry a prince.
But as time goes by, i realise that life is tough.

When i was in kindergarden , i wished to have my own bicycle,then i got it but i just could play it around 3x5metres place in my grandma's house.
It's not perfect enough,rite?

When i was in primary,i wished to have my own room,but i just got my own bed.
Still, not enough ,rite?

When i was in JHS, i wished to have the coolest phone, it's N-gage. Then my parents told me that it's not a girl thing. But i bought it and i paid half of it with my money.
Do you already get the point?

When i'm in SHS, i wish for many things.
But only some of it that i could reach for.

*Life is tough,not all promises can be done; not all dreams can be reached; and not all of the love that can be kept*

2010

2010-09-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

lost, but gotta move on :D

2010-09-09T23:14:00.001+08:00

I wish to enter a good uni, then graduate with satisfication someday.
I wish to take interior architecture since i'm doubting between interior design or architecture.
I want to study abroad, everyone wants it rite?

But when my mom said that a girl like me, yeah, a girl like me musn't wish to dream too high. Yes,its drown me once.
Then today she asked my dad to send me to perth since my cousins live there too,or malaysia.
After all i've been trying..to stop dreaming to get a chance to study abroad....

My dilema..
I just can't stand to live here,medan.
I don't know why,but i really wish to move out of this town.

I know i'm no longer stand as a young girl who wish to reach everything she wants to.
I've to face *the ugly truth* everytime i don't want to.
And here i am, no place to go, no one to rely on, but tons of dreams to be reached before i'm gone.

blame me

2010-09-05T10:56:00.001+08:00

Do you ever feel like tons of sth hit your body? It makes you hard to move.
I'm so sorry to make you feel upset.,but i've no choice..i never expect that my body is hurt more today,i thought today 'll be better,and i can't go to play with you,guys.

Not that i'm the one who don't keep my promises, but i've told you that i still couldn't decide if i will go or not,yesterday.

I know how you feel,and you can blame me at everything. It always be me who will get the hate, either when i ask they to hangout or when i cancel another plan.
But i always have a reason, that makes sense, and it's true.

I'm so sorry. I've missed saturday class and remedy,cause my body was too weak to wake up,after friday's volley activity. And i don't wanna miss Monday class again.

Please understand me.

he will be loved

2010-07-25T17:55:00.000+08:00

Ending of July is getting nearer.
This month is my favourite month, because of someone.
This year i am not allowed by my mind to do what i did last year. My mind says that its useless and you'll drop more if you do it.
Yeah, but whatever i do and i don't do. I always begging for one,someone,him..inside of my heart. Cause it's always keep him..no one else...

My favourite since the first time i knew love. Around 6years ago.

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only
eighteen
She had some trouble
with herself
He was always there to
help her
She always belonged to
someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your
door
I've had you so many
times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending
everyday
Out on your corner in the
pouring rain
Look for the girl with the
broken smile
Ask her if she wants to
stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock
on my door
I want to make you feel
beautiful
I know I tend to get so
insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows
and butterflies
It's compromise that
moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my
door's always open
You can come anytime
you want
I don't mind spending
everyday
Out on your corner in the
pouring rain
Look for the girl with the
broken smile
Ask her if she wants to
stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things
that make you who you
are
I know that goodbye
means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me
to catch her every time
she falls
Tap on my window knock
on my door
I want to make you feel
beautiful
I don't mind spending
everyday
Out on your corner in the
pouring rain
Look for the girl with the
broken smile
Ask her if she wants to
stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to
say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to
say goodbye
Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending
everyday
Out on your corner in the
pouring rain
Try so hard to say
goodbye

2010-07-25T17:48:00.001+08:00

i miss freedom

2010-07-19T07:48:00.002+08:00

i wonder where i will be next year.
Am i that lucky to make my parents send me to singapore or malaysia?
Or i will just go to jakarta and live there.
Or maybe no choice,stay in medan again-and i dont know where and what to study-.
I envy them,who are allowed to study at their favourite university.They choose whereever they like and they'll be there.
I know i am not that lucky,i have to think twice then. It's hard to live in someone else's place. But i've learnt to be an independent person but not at all.
I just wish and hope there's beautiful place somewhere for me.

100 years (wish)

2010-07-14T23:40:00.001+08:00

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where
you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better
than this
When you only got 100 years to
live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a
they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose
yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better
than this
When you only got 100 years to
live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where
you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish
better than this
When you only got 100 years to
live

LOL

2010-07-14T23:35:00.000+08:00

i really don't know what to write.but i'll try to write whatever that cross my mind now.
I feel a bit fine with the situation in my class.
*my desk is always stay under the AC everytime i come at 7.20
*the AC is really1000 cold..goshh
*i don't feel so lonely there..haha
don't know why i write this lha..wew

today i registered for extracul-drawing,i don't know what to think..will i pass?i thought i didn't do it well.
Next monday i want to register for volley,but there's selection..omg..poor me again!
So i decide to join mading puisi sajahhh!

Still don't know why i feel so happy today.
Maybe me and my friends are having such a pretty afternoon after a very long time?haha

Hayy, 5 !

2010-05-05T07:19:00.001+08:00

Yea.....long time no post here..haha
i dunno what to write, what's the point of bloging anyway? =)

welcome May..this month is really really a big WOW to me..
I get 4 birthday invitation which is on 8th,13th,15th and 16th.
It's killing me cause i've to buy some gifts and....prepare for what dress i'll wear on what day.
Haha..but i enjoy it.and really can't wait for it!

Maybe i should leave the past behind and face the future,but for me..today is a gift,so why i keep on hurting myself?

Good morning, 5 !!

It's how the story end.

2010-04-02T03:00:00.001+08:00

Look at the blue sky, don't you see the clouds are waiting for you?

Look at the green leaves, are they crying on the ground?

Look at those people with paper on their head, do they afraid of rain?

We are happy, happiness is free, everyone does smile, love is in the air.

So,why are you sad?
I'm here, listening at you, cry for you,and will get to you.

Feel the air, take a breath.
Don't stop believing, there's another hope if you try.

Even they tell you a pretty lie,i'm here to whisper you a goodluck.

I Love You, believe me.

2010-03-31T01:52:00.001+08:00

Everynight in my dreams,there're many faces to meet.But it's you i wish to see.
Everytime you walk by, i feel something cold in my heart.Just a little Wish,to hope you know what i feel.
It wasn't jokes when i said I Love You,I Miss You cause i really did.
I miss your smile for awhile,but it seems like to run five hundred miles hard.
I don't need a hundred love words from them,if you can give me just one.
No,i'm not begging.I don't stand like a dumb to ask for love.
They say it's fine to let the feeling go,but tears are so hard to hide,and
Just a little Wish,to hope you know what i feel. To make you stand the way you are. To rely you to choose your own path. And to sing a Smile when you look happy there.

Career

2010-02-07T01:56:00.001+08:00

Today i took the career test. And the result shocked me,yeah but not at all. At the beginning,i wrote 3 kind of jobs which i wish a lot. And i wrote :
1. Architecture
2. Poet / writer
3. Business
and i got a very very accurate results.
The conseler told me,my dream job is in my way! Architecture/interior design!
Anything about artistic is mine!

But, as always..
My life isn't flat,won't flow like what i wish.
So just

let's see

If...life..

2010-01-29T20:34:00.001+08:00

If today is a gift,then everything is precious
i want to know,do things happen better than yesterday?
If love is a fate,then why those people don't put a faith on it?
I want to share,love is in the air.

If life can guide us to heaven,then world don't need devils
i want to see,how's earth without devil?
Peace is everywhere,but,
sorry, earth isn't heaven

if sorry is just that simple to say, then all problems are clear
i want to hear, no wars everywhere
smile will appear in every creatures

if everyone in this wolrd realise how lucky they are
please appreciate every breath that you have
and believe nature will safe you,if you do the good things to it

The next 1,5 years

2010-01-16T18:22:00.001+08:00

I don't know what choice should i make.
I don't care cause my life is in Grandpa's hand,rite?
All the home members ' future is just up to him,why?We don't have anything to prove that he's wrong.
If you ask me, i'll say that i really really really want to study abroad,maybe somewhere like singapore,KL,or aussie like what my cousins do.
But, am i that lucky?
Everybody wants it! But for those who have a chance,but don't take it,hell stupid!
But now,i don't put a believe to it again.
I don't wanna down when i know that it's impossible.
I thought i want to take design.
But Grandpa told me to take ACCOUNTING.(OH my....then why did i choose science class?cause i hate it!)
huff..then my mum told me to take doctor,skin doctor like Dr.Chen.
My dad didn't say anything when i asked it.

I wonder that Medan doesn't really need a designer, so many accounting students here.
Then,i think i'll move to Jakarta and live with my uncle then take design?
But the fee is just same like uni at KL!
Then why don't i just study there??

I really confused.
If i should take accounting,then i'll take design too. No matter what happen.

welcome 2010 ♥♥

2010-01-01T00:31:00.001+08:00

The last 30 minutes to go..welcome 2010 ♥..
I hope for the best things.

♥ hope for happiness
♥ self-control
♥ better friendship
♥ ugh..my alergy,can you go?
♥ better mark at school
♥ i wish i won't single this year,can i? (wkwkk...=.=" )
♥ SMILE =)

Leave 2009

2009-12-31T02:29:00.001+08:00

Sorry for hating anyone so bad...

In 2009, i have the worst feeling ever.
Maybe you never feel what i feel,cause life has its own way.
I lost bestfriend in the beginning of 2009, left childhood classmates in july,lost the one i love, lost family relationship, oh my..i lost everything this year~
but 2010 won't be the same as yesterday,rite?

As my life flashing before i realise,it's too late to turn back time..

Let's face this new year,with heart,spirit..and smile..=)

Love, 2009

2009-12-31T02:20:00.001+08:00

For the very last day in this year,2009.

I really have things undone..but, no use to do it again.
I just hope you know
for the very last day in this year,if you know,i hope you won't mad but smile
i have you for this half year,i've smiled for this half year.
If the best way is to let you go,i'll choose that path
to make you understand,i've been suffering to love you.
Heart-break.
If you don't want me,why don't you say so?

For the very last day in 2009...goodbye heart-break..goodbye love..find your way home...
I believe you can fly,through imagination,through heart,until the real distance,to make me smile without regret everything =)

my 16th bday

2009-10-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

This is the first time i celebrate my birthday with family JUST simple but special
haha...
I'm tired to reply all the birthday greetings on my FB wall
But thanks a lot ya...:)

And also this is my first birthday cake..hahahha

Thanks mom :)

LOL..

Also i have received presents before my birth day..

But please don't ask from who i got it

haha..guess what?

hha..

I'm so happy for today and thank you for everyday, God..

I love Your way to make me live..